Sometimes I hate being me.
Those that know me well know that, at all times, I don't really ever know what it is I want from my own existence. To say I'm often torn is an understatement. I have a different answer for anyone who asks me what I want to do, although people who know well know there's two things I've ever done consistently: fight fires and program software for the internet.
Now it seems like my dichotomous stance on life has left me with a very serious decision to make, and if you don't mind I'm going to flesh out the issue more for my own benefit now.
I assume that if I ever want to do anything significant in the ways of emergency services, I should aspire to a position in the higher echelons of the Federal Emergency Management Agency, or the US Fire Administration. To that end I've started a Masters of Public Administration program at Northern Illinois University, far away from my friends and home in Massachusetts. I think the best way to put my feelings on Illinois is 'underwhelmed'. Great program at Northern, sure, but living here has me fairly depressed. Prospects for the future are bright if I stick it through, I guess though. Truth is, who knows if I'll get a chance to make the kind of difference I want. Nonetheless, it's taken a lot in the way of financial (think thousands of dollars) and emotional support from my family to get out here, and so I'm not the only one who is literally invested in my staying here. Not to mention if I quit what it might to do to my poor sister who was so excited for me to come out here where she is.
On the other hand I was just offered a job back in Massachusetts to do something that I love so much that I do it in my spare time. I'm always programming, or trying to find a new project to work on, or a new problem to solve. Since I've moved out here, all I've been doing is program. Now, the offer is good, but it's not super great. $40k to start, +$5k after 6 months, +$5k after 1 year. There's also a bonus of $1,200 to help with the move. If I was still living in Massachusetts I would take this opportunity immediately. But just to buy out my lease will probably cost at least $9k, and then the move back to Mass will probably cost at least $2k. So financially it isn't necessarily the smart move. In a vacuum I would take this opportunity, but without some more financial backing from the new employer, I don't see how this is possible.
I can't make heads or tails of it because so many people have so many different expectations of me. My family wants me to stay, my friends want me to come back. Everyone thinks they know what is best for me - everyone but me. It sucks so hard to be a Gemini.
I am at a loss.
Thanks for listening.
Stay Safe,
- Byrne
Those that know me well know that, at all times, I don't really ever know what it is I want from my own existence. To say I'm often torn is an understatement. I have a different answer for anyone who asks me what I want to do, although people who know well know there's two things I've ever done consistently: fight fires and program software for the internet.
Now it seems like my dichotomous stance on life has left me with a very serious decision to make, and if you don't mind I'm going to flesh out the issue more for my own benefit now.
I assume that if I ever want to do anything significant in the ways of emergency services, I should aspire to a position in the higher echelons of the Federal Emergency Management Agency, or the US Fire Administration. To that end I've started a Masters of Public Administration program at Northern Illinois University, far away from my friends and home in Massachusetts. I think the best way to put my feelings on Illinois is 'underwhelmed'. Great program at Northern, sure, but living here has me fairly depressed. Prospects for the future are bright if I stick it through, I guess though. Truth is, who knows if I'll get a chance to make the kind of difference I want. Nonetheless, it's taken a lot in the way of financial (think thousands of dollars) and emotional support from my family to get out here, and so I'm not the only one who is literally invested in my staying here. Not to mention if I quit what it might to do to my poor sister who was so excited for me to come out here where she is.
On the other hand I was just offered a job back in Massachusetts to do something that I love so much that I do it in my spare time. I'm always programming, or trying to find a new project to work on, or a new problem to solve. Since I've moved out here, all I've been doing is program. Now, the offer is good, but it's not super great. $40k to start, +$5k after 6 months, +$5k after 1 year. There's also a bonus of $1,200 to help with the move. If I was still living in Massachusetts I would take this opportunity immediately. But just to buy out my lease will probably cost at least $9k, and then the move back to Mass will probably cost at least $2k. So financially it isn't necessarily the smart move. In a vacuum I would take this opportunity, but without some more financial backing from the new employer, I don't see how this is possible.
I can't make heads or tails of it because so many people have so many different expectations of me. My family wants me to stay, my friends want me to come back. Everyone thinks they know what is best for me - everyone but me. It sucks so hard to be a Gemini.
I am at a loss.
Thanks for listening.
Stay Safe,
- Byrne
1 comment:
I know I may be a day late and a dollar short, but I am curious as to why it would cost you $9k to buy out your lease? Is there really a provision in your lease that says you have to buy out the balance of the ENTIRE lease? Because honestly, every lease I have ever seen usually has a one month termination fee and you end up losing whatever deposit you may have had to put down.
Again, I guess none of this may matter since the date on this is almost three weeks ago, but I figure it's worth a shot. It's still probably more than you are being given to move, but it's a whole lot more bearable then 9k... best of luck in whatever you decide. -Jay
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