Drawn and Quartered Mind

Every-so-often I get a renewed sense of purpose in life, like a swift kick in the ass out of thin air, and I'm not sure where it comes from, but it's always appreciated. I feel like I'm almost there right now, but at the same time, I am so mentally, physically, and emotionally drained as of late that I don't have much an interest in anything other than total relaxation, but even then I have lingering and haunting thoughts, and it's like I can't even do that anymore. It doesn't help that I'm in Chicago with the family under the ever-scrutinous eye of John Butler, who pokes my faults like a deranged geologist.

Yay.

But I can always be worse, and I think (hope) that's my point here. I like to think I have a lot going for me, between having Jamie to come home to, my close friends, a potential high paying job, and the opportunity to program some games, which is something I've always had a dream of doing. I believe I may be pulling myself in too many directions, though, and that's a little disquieting. There's not enough hours in the day to get done everything I need to do, and I'm always tired as of late. No matter how much sleep I get I'm lethargic and sleepy.

I get to go back to firefighting when I come home too, but I'm not as excited about that as I should be. I'm dreading is a little bit, thinking about taking a one-week mental holiday, not from the fire side, but from the EMS side. This vacation in Chicago doesn't count, I need to be at home alone, or with a few friends, and just relax, and screw my head on straight.


While I have the chance, I would like to thank all of you (who never read this) that stepped up to the plate when Jamie really needed you since I couldn't be home. I know Jamie appreciates the time you've put in, and your concern, and so do I. Thank you, again.